thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
