gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
