don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
