i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
