Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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