I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
