i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
