Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
