at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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