oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
