the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
