I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
