wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
