Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
