she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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