I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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