I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
