I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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