the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
