i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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