dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
