but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
