I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
