If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
