oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
