My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
