Soap is not a condiment
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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