I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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