Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
