Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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