you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
