okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
