So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
