I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
