idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
