I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
