we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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