it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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