So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
