I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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