Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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