Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
