I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's blow job season.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
