how can u be prego again
I smell stomach acid.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
