HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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