Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
