And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
