I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
