Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and she was petting her beer can
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We had sex on a dog bed..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
