so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
