Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
