haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
