Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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