considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
