i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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