I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
