I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
