Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
