dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
