I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Will exercising make me less horny?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
