Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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