My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
