she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
